The origins of My strap-on fetish

As a jumping-off point for weblog entries, I decided to try to give an anecdote about My experiences with or ideas about each genre within BDSM. Today’s theme, your favorite topic and Mine, is strap-on play.

Strap-on play part 1: How it all began...

Like so many other kinky people, My journey into the world of BDSM began when I read The Story of O as a teenager. For how many other people around the world has that book been a gateway into a life of decadent, debaucherous, satisfaction? It was not so much that the book warped My mind as that it allowed Me to recognize what I already liked. Sadly, my real-life adventures with both boys and girls My own age were not nearly as exciting to Me as the erotic fiction I was becoming reliant on for what I secretly considered to be My "real" sexual relationship: the one that thrived inside My imagination. The Sleeping Beauty Trilogy soon followed as My most favored smut.

At that early phase in the development of My sexuality, I did not imagine that activities described in fiction like that could be lived out. I thought they were just fantasies. I had heard of sadomasochism, but did not connect the stereotype of BDSM to My own fantasies. They didn't seem like the same thing. At that time, it wasn't bondage and pain I fantasized about so much as something more elusive... the things I fantasized about had more to do with coercion, humiliation, training, exploitation, mind games. And the fetish that all those sexy emotions were focused on? Anal domination. From the beginning this was My own primary association with Dominance and submission.

I loved all those elaborate anal training scenes in the smutty books I was addicted to. The stories had descriptions of so many exciting forms of humiliating, stimulating, anal violation: buttplugs that must be worn at all times, chastity devices with insertables attached, to keep a slave constantly stimulated but unable to release, special chairs made with an attached phallus that must be sat upon. The abused slaves in the stories I liked were often "used" anally several times daily by their owners and owners' house-guests.

Needless to say at 17 most of My peers were not interested in this type of thing. I was so bored of vanilla. Perhaps you can relate?

I was beginning to notice, however, that My boyfriends enjoyed being penetrated. They were so embarassed to admit it! I secretly enjoyed not only their response to My ministrations, but their shame at their own pleasure. Poor them! My desire to (consensually!) "molest" boys was surfacing. I think I scared the hell out of them, or more accurately, My discovery of a desire that threatened their masculinity was what was frightening. But I was already starting to use dialouge like "C'mon, do it for Me," when they were reluctant. And thus I started hearing one of My favorite phrases for the first time "Ok, for You. I'll do it for You."

Since then I have enjoyed being a Femme Top in My personal as well as Professional life. I have had many opportunities since to live out all those fantasies about Anal Domination in glorious detail. It is still one of My favorite forms of Domination.

Lots more to say about this. More soon...